Halloween

The nice thing about being an adult at Halloween is the knowledge that if I really want some sweets I can just buy myself some. No longer am I reliant on the kindness of neighbours or am I subject to whatever sweets they decide to hand out. If I want a particular sorts of sweets I just get them, no rummaging through a bag of mostly garbage in the hope of a few choice pieces.

Also I no longer have to dress up in ridiculous costumes to get said sweets. I am not one of those adults who has held onto the desire to dress up. It was kind of fun as a kid, so much unnecessary hassle as an adult. Also being a guy means I can't just do what most girls do these days for Halloween and go as the slutty version of something. I thing some girls are even forgoing the pretense nowadays and are just going as straight sluts. No slutty nurses or cowgirls here, just plain old slutty girls.

But seriously costumes as an adult; it just seems like so much effort and for what? At least when I was a kid there was a purpose. Costumes = Sweets. So what is my goal in dressing up now? What is my reward? As I said I can just get myself sweets if I want them and in fact if I was to dress up and try and get sweets from my neighbours I don't think it would go down very well at all.
"Do it because it's fun"and"It's a laugh!" I hear you say. No, no it's not. It's stupid and I won't do it.

Doing Nothing

I am perpetually amazed at how much time i can spend doing nothing. The hours somehow slip by and I realise I haven't done anything productive. It would be kind of impressive if it wasn't so sad. Part of the problem is I look forward to doing nothing as part of my downtime. When I get really busy with work or whatever I can't wait for a break so that I can officially do nothing. The other thing of course that amazes me is that no matter how much nothing I do I always feel like I could have done more nothing, like I never quite get all my nothing done. These feelings and desires to just do nothing are of course coupled with a sense of guilt over my lack of productivity and a certain remorse that I haven't spent my time wiser. I could have written a book, learned a musical instrument, exercised or some other worthwhile endeavour and yet when it comes down to it, as much as I would love to accomplish some of these things and realise I should probably organise my life better, when I get a bit of free time my goal is always to do nothing. Just sit back relax and bask in the renewing power of nothingness.

Does an increase in confidence inherently result in a decrease in common sense?

I guess I still have the idea of confidence on the brain as I have been considering my confidence issues with those of today's youth. I'm not saying I was a perfect angel as a child or that I didn't know anyone who lived their lives with complete reckless abandon and a disregard for rules and regulations but I have noticed a severe increase in kids filled with apathy when it comes to socially acceptable behaviour.

Am I painting myself as an old fuddy-duddy now? I don't care.

When I was young (and even now) I considered myself a smart-ass. A fact I was and am proud of. Although I don't consider myself quite as hilarious as I did when I was twelve, when everything I said was pure gold comedy, I do still pride myself in having a sharp tongue and a biting wit. However as much as I know it now, I hold that even in my younger days there was a time and a place for sarcastic responses and I knew where to draw the line. Sarcasm and mockery was reserved for amongst my friends or to be said quietly in the back of a classroom to the chortles of my cohorts. It was not blurted out for all to hear, which would result in unwanted attention. This reserve, this joy of being secretly funny behind the backs of authority seems to have vanished amid the posturing and cockiness of a new generation.

I laud this generation's confidence, their sheer self belief in their own abilities and right to accomplish whatever they set their mind to. I can see major benefits for a generation that does not contain a lot of the fear, shame and lack of confidence that I portrayed as a youth.
Yet I have noticed a lot of downsides to this confidence. Their lack of shame in a given situation although beneficial at times in allowing them to achieve goals also seems to lead to a lack of concern or regret for when they actually do things wrong.

This is a generation that wins arguments by being loud rather than by showing reason and if you don't like it well what do they care; you're just stupid! Their confidence seems to have arrived with an undeserved sense of entitlement and a certain amount of delusion with regard to their own abilities, as can be seen in the plethora of reality shows where people expect fame without any talent to back it up.

Common sense seems to have taken serious losses for the sake of confidence and instead of knowing where to draw the line or when enough is enough, I find a large proportion of kids would rather dig in and draw more attention to themselves and even get themselves in serious trouble rather than let common sense and cooler heads prevail.
I'm all for confidence and self belief but does it really have to come at the price of common sense?

The Sliding Scale of Confidence

Confidence is a funny thing. There always seems to be this idea that people are either confident or not; but I find and maybe it is just personally, but there is no such thing as being either wholly confident or completely lacking confidence. There are aspects of my live where I am confident to the point of cockiness and then there are aspects of my life where i completely lack any confidence whatsoever.

I surely I'm not the only person like this. Growing up I always had this persona of being quiet to people who didn't really know me while my Friends and family would laugh at the idea of me being a quiet person. I have always found it strange the idea of being labeled one way or the other.

There are situations where I thrive and others where I wither and fade into the background. I have never been a party person and have never been very adept at initiating social interaction, this thus extends into my skill at relationships where my confidence is probably at its nadir. However let me join a conversation and I'm off and running, I even have the audacity to consider myself quite the wit. Also I have found myself to be extremely comfortable with public speaking; put me in front of a crowd with an idea to share, a lesson to teach or a story to tell and I am in my element. I love the the vibe and energy that comes from expounding an idea to a group of people and interacting with them, getting feedback, discussing things. This is all fantastic fun for me and is the type of situation where I might even be a touch cocky about my own speaking abilities; but leave me alone in a room with someone I barely know or try and get me to consider asking someone out and I'll shut down in a nervous panic of what to say or do and probably just sit there in uncomfortable silence. I cant' be the only person like this can I?

No one is completely confident about every aspect of their life right? and surely there's no one out there despite whatever massive crippling self doubt they might have about most areas in their life that isn't confident about something they do?

Perchance to Dream

I wish I could remember my dreams better. I tend to only really remember dreams when they happen in that groggy half awake half asleep period before you get up and even then the dream usually ends up fading pretty quick. I tend to envy people who remember vividly their dreams since more often than not the only sense I have that I have had a dream is that vague recollection of dreaming something. I envy them because remembering dreams seems cool. I hear people talking about their dreams, trying to figure out if they mean anything or talking about the cool things they did in their dreams and I want to experience that too. Unfortunately the only times I do remember dreaming can be separated into two categories:
1. I wake up. I know I was dreaming, I feel somehow excited about it and then I try and think about the dream and I get nothing! The dream has disappeared from my memory and all it has left is the ghost of an idea, taunting me about something cool that I'll never regain.
and
2. The rare times I do actually remember my dreams. Yes, sometimes they are interesting and possibly even exciting but most of the dreams I seem to remember end up being boring and mundane; like the other morning when I woke up and remembered vividly my dream, unfortunately my dream consisted of me getting up, getting ready for work and heading off to my job. There could be no duller dream and the most frustrating part was that since it was only a dream I had to go through my whole morning routine annoyed, since I felt I had already done all that stuff once that morning.
Stupid brain!